Thursday, June 3, 2010

My Little Ninja Stories

Below is an entry I have in Alex's baby book. It's under the "Favorite Story About You" section. I scratched that crap out and wrote, "How You Almost Gave Mommy a Heart Attack...OVER and OVER Again." (yes, it takes up the whole page in my smallest print)

-when you first started walking, you tried to climb up the shelves of my floor lamp. Of course it came crashing down, shattering the glass EVERYWHERE. We are still finding pieces to this day. I had to run you to the neighbor next door and it took me about 45 minutes to clean up. Thanks.

-you have broken about 5 table lamps. I finally got one to hang on the wall and it has been there for 5 months. I don't know why you haven't figured out that you can hang on it.

-in your "beginning to climb" stage (about 9 months old) you used to slide your legs into the 2nd shelf of the changing table, hang your head out and scream bloody murder til I came running in to save you.

-one time you learned how to ninja climb up on the counter. That was the beginning of a reoccurring issue of you grabbing knives, getting soaked in the sink and knocking everything off the a cat would. A ninja cat.

-one time daddy walked into the dining room just in time to see you slam two of mommy's hand painted wine glasses together. Yes, they shattered.

-another time you were throwing a fit (bc mommy wouldn't let you climb up on the table) and knocked a FULL decanter of RED wine all over the carpet and up the wall. I was in such a state of shock I just picked you up, walked you to your room and placed you in the bed. I turned around and closed the door. You were so freaked out that I didn't yell or anything that you started crying and eventually went to sleep.

-you hang out in the front hall closet, it's like your fort. One day you POOPED in daddy's shoes!!! And not just his old tennis shoes, but in his nice Italian work shoes. And not just a turd...I won't describe that.

-your favorite place to pee, which is definitely not in your diaper, is down the side of your toy box. I have to check underneath it on a daily basis.

-one time you put Kali (our cat) in the oven drawer. I heard her meowing for about an hour and couldn't find her. Finally I say, "Alex, where's Kali? Find Kali." (bc I figure a kid will find a cat's hiding place easier than an adult) You walk right into the kitchen and open the drawer. Kali didn't come out of my room for about a month.

-The first oven incident was when you were 14 months old. I caught you standing on the open oven door playing with the burners. The second time you were almost inside the oven. The third time you opened it when it was set to 425!! AGHH! You ran to me yelling, "Hot, hot, hot!" The last (and most dangerous) time is when you actually climbed up on the oven, sitting next to the electric burner you were about to turn on.

-This is one of my fav's. I was doing dishes and heard you screaming, like you were scared to death. I ran into your room to find you in the closet hanging from the lowest closet rack 2 inches off the floor. I guess you thought you were much farther from the ground bc you would not let go. It was kinda funny.

- the infamous POOP ON MY DINING ROOM TABLE incident.

-this one gets under my skin. I was on cleaning mode. I emptied the garbages from both bathrooms and my room into the main garbage can. While you were in your room watching cartoons, I vacuumed the whole house and emptied the (week old) vacuum container and filter into the garbage can and placed it right in front of the kitchen. I was wiping stuff off the kitchen counters bc I was going to sweep and put that into the garbage can....and out of nowhere, you run out of your room and karate kick the freaking garbage can into the kitchen where a cloud of dust, dirt and the contents of all other cans in our house flies all over ME and the ENTIRE kitchen. You ran. I cried.

-(last week) you were "helping" me unload the dishwasher (the tupperware) and when I turned around to put some plates away, you got to coffee mugs out and threw them as hard as you could against the oven. They broke. And you dented the oven. Brat.

-during nap time you took out all of your dresser drawers. All of them. You can't really reach the 1st and 2nd drawers so you RIPPED them out, bending the tracks, and breaking the frame of the dresser. Great. I was sort of planning on using that more than 2 years...

-on May 24, 2010 you truly scared me more than you ever have. I had been watching the neighbor's grandson all day, and when Lynn came to pick him up I offered to help her carry up his things. Daddy was in your bedroom fixing your broken dresser so I sent you in there. 3 minutes goes by and daddy knocks on the neighbor's door asking if you were with me. You weren't. Lynn and I went running down the stairs and out the door. We saw a woman standing on the sidewalk staring at something and when she saw me she said, "he's over here!" You were an ENTIRE BUILDING down from our apt. Thank God you stayed on the sidewalk. Moral of the story is, Alex can open the front door so keep the dead bolt locked at ALL times.

-Things that you do on a DAILY basis: my shoe rack gets dumped out, wipes and diapers are ripped out of their cabinet, the dishwasher gets started/stopped when it's not supposed to, couch cushions get thrown off the couch, both toy boxes get dumped out, everything (including the fitted sheet) gets taken off your bed, you call someone from both my cell and house phone and you eat stuff out of the garbage.

...and that's all I have to say about that. Are you stressed out yet? Haha.



No comments: